Final reflection, written upon return from Morocco: 

Morocco: not the place I had expected or anticipated or planned for. 

Me: not the person I had expected or anticipated or planned for. 

I've been thinking a lot about traveling, the academy, and why we bother with it all. The opportunity to go on a facilitated, short-term study abroad has helped me establish a framework with which to approach these questions. When I returned home, I felt more than a little disoriented. It wasn't because I had forgotten what home was like, or that I was experiencing reverse culture shock. It wasn't because I wasn't ready to go home. It was because I had seen things that no one else in Seattle could imagine and I couldn't rightly talk about any of them. I couldn't adequately describe the smell of the streets of Fes, no matter how many unpleasant adjectives I employed. I couldn't explain the heat with any words that I knew. Sweltering? Oppressive? Just plain hot? Nothing could quite capture the sensations. An entire twelfth of my life had passed and I was without precise and accurate language to convey the experience to others. This made it difficult to return home where the vocabulary was entirely different. Morocco was one big inside joke that couldn't be explained. You just had to be there. 

Another thing that I realized is that writing about travel while traveling was much more difficult than I had expected, but more rewarding than I could know even now. I have no doubt that in months and years down the road, that little red notebook will be even more valuable. Real time moved quickly in Morocco, and so my pen had to move quickly. My brain began to hyper-process events and emotions as they came along. It required a ton of energy, but I got into the habit of reflecting constantly. I allowed myself to wonder why I was there. Some days I knew the answer; some days I had no idea. I started to think about how this experience was changing me, even before I got home. Was I adapting? Was I revising my ideas about the world? How did I fit in now? A day did not pass without me considering my answers to these questions. Each time, there was a slight change. I was becoming, by shades, more and more myself. A self that I was constructing intentionally. 

It was also a place where I learned to be at home in discomfort. I had no choice, so I dealt with things that I could not have dealt with at home. I was uncomfortable. I was pushed. I was sick. I was okay. When people asked me how the experience was, I felt pressured to say that I loved every minute of it. After all, I had access to the privilege of travel. I did what others might never even dream of. I touched it. I was there. But, if I gave myself a few moments to seriously respond to peoples' inquiries, I reflected more accurately. It was an incredibly valuable experience. It was harder than I thought it would be. It went faster than I thought it would. Wow. 

This program has challenged me to be frustrated and discontent with the world. It has asked me to test my patience, flexibility and strength. I thought, pre-departure, that I was an excellent traveler. Now I know that I have a lot to learn. This experience has given me the tools to be a more cognizant, present and active version of myself. I am home now. But "home" is wider and more complicated than when I left it, just like the rest of the world. And I'm ready.